It's Election Season! It's always election season

In America, we don't have elections. Governing is the election. While a person governs, they simultaneously campaign as well. Which is great for the citizenry, because we never miss a potential election maker or breaker. Also, during the campaign, political figures and parties will readily admit, "Well, I am not going to state my opinion now because I haven't decided how this will affect the campaign, and I need to appeal to a broader base." If an election isn't coming up in a few months, there is one coming up in 2 to 4 years. They need to prepare for it now. It is just in our nature as Americans. We are hard-working, forward-thinking people. We are always one step ahead. And it makes for great television, something that Real Americans also love. The only downside is that there is little time for actual governing. The upside is that campaigning is now seen as governing. "Did you see that new commerical for ____?" He is going to do _____ once he gets reelected." or "In my campaign I said ____. And now, a few months later, I am still saying ____. I stick to my guns!"
We Real Americans appreciate this type of governing style. Another headline please!

What is a Real American?

An American is someone who is born in America, the United States to be exact. A Real American is someone who was born in the United States and follows a few specific rules.
A Real American must be
gun totin'
flag wavin'
Jesus praisin'
baby savin'
stereo typin'
border patrolin'
terrorist huntin'
marriage protectin'
knowledge fearin'
beer drinkin'
meat eatin'
gas guzzlin'
troop supportin'
and freedom lovin'.
Now many people will say to you, "I live in New York/San Francisco/etc., I am also a Real American." But they will be dead wrong. They don't subscribe the aforementioned rules. And that is the only way a person can be a Real American.